July 30, 2016 was the most incredible and
beautiful day of my entire life. It was also the most painful and emotional day
of my entire existence as well.
With all the love in my heart I introduce to
the world, Luke Eben (5lb 10oz) and Olivia Kate (5lb 7oz) both at 19 inches
long.
We did it! Our miracle babies made it
here safely.
I wanted to write so much more about
their birth, but unfortunately, I've waited much too long to document the
experience and have forgotten so much.
Basically, I went in for my weekly check-up
appointment on July 28th. I had high blood pressure for the second time in a
week. They sent me to Labor and Delivery to have that and other vitals checked.
They didn't let me leave due to having
advanced into Preeclampsia. Basically 1.) High Blood pressure 2.) Swollen hands
and feet 3.) Protein in the urine. All of this can make a very dangerous
situation for mother and babies. At that point I was having the babies
sooner rather than later.
Quite unfortunately Ben had just gone
home sick from work for the day. Once he got home and realizing I wasn't
leaving the hospital, he went over to Greenwood Health Clinic to assess his
condition. He was really sick.
He ended up having to get hooked up to an
IV as he was starting to get dehydrated in a few different ways :)
He didn't get approval to come be at the
hospital with me until later that night. I was all alone until about 6:30pm. At
that time, Ben and my Mom arrived.
I had asked my friend from work, Mark J.
to come to the hospital and give me a blessing. He brought his family and it
was a very tender experience for us. It was exactly what I needed.
I was not really progressing in labor at
all though. Even with Pitocin I just wasn't dilating. It was a rough night, but
I had amazing nurses that helped me along the way.
Ben was still very sick and had a few
issues keeping food and fluid in his body. It was so sad. I hate to admit it
but I was kind of mad that he needed so much attention and I didn't have
his...LOL. Luckily the next morning my mom and Rachel von (my friend and
Douala) came to my aide to fill in for Ben where they could.
Early Friday morning I asked for an
epidural. I hated every single second of it and still hate it when I think about it. Ben nearly
passed out due to my pain. It hurt like nothing else I've ever experienced before. I know I
wouldn't have delivered without it, but I don't think it was done very well. (I
had a large numb portion on one of my thighs for months after this and I still have sore
episodes with my back where the needle was inserted).
Sometime early Saturday morning Olivia's
heart-rate started suffering. We couldn't get it down. They inserted a monitor
on her head and things were just not looking very good. I couldn't contract and
dilate at the same time.
Maybe around 5:00 am Ben and I asked everyone to leave the
room so we could talk about our options together and decide what to do. We really didn't want to (mostly I didn't want to), but knew we needed to
initiate a C-section for the sake of the three of us.
From there everything happened really quickly.
Before I knew it, I was in the operating room. I was drugged up so much for the surgery/anxiety I was having, that
I was throwing up a lot (which is kinda hard when you are laying on your back and you are numb from the chest down.) I think I had a panic attack. Ben
thought I went in and out of consciousness a few times as I remember him asking me often if I was still with him. He was so strong for me though.
I remember feeling like I was suffocating
every time they would put the oxygen mask on me. I was thrashing my head back
and forth because they wouldn't believe me and I really thought I might die (but I wasn't going to, just to clarify).
They ended up having to cut the top of the mask off so I wouldn't feel so
constricted.
The only other memories of the experience
I have is hearing Ben coach me, and seeing my babies being
held up over the blue curtain in front of me one at a time and looking over and seeing him off to the side of the operating room, holding the babies while a nurse took a photo.
I am completely in love with these
children and my husband. They are individually my perfect miracles. I've never
known love could be like this. I wish I was better with words to describe how I
feel, but I guess I can only imagine that this is what Heaven might feel like,
at least to me.
Rachel and her family made us a precious
video documenting those couple of days. If you'd like to take a look, I'll
attach it.
I will hold all of this in my heart
forever.
